As school starts and all of the associated activities that vie for our attention and time, it is a good idea to input your children’s friends, classmates, teammates and members of other activities names, addresses and phone numbers into a data base… or just a plain old computer list, which is what I always have done. Data base just sounds so professional! Not only does it make life simpler to have all of their names and information on one list, but when it comes time to host birthday parties, holiday parties, or whatever, it will help keep you from ‘forgetting’ a child’s name and risk hurting a child’s heart.

Most class rooms have rules about inviting everyone in the class to a party to keep things even and harmonious. Unfortunately, other groups and activities rarely have that rule. But how on Earth do you get control of a party list when there are so many group activities: soccer, Sunday School, baseball, dance class, Boy and Girl Scouts? Most of us don’t care to host a party with a ‘cast of thousands’, nor do we want to make a child feel left out.

Here are a few ideas that can help:

1. Make your ‘roster list’ of all of the children your child comes in contact with through school and activities.
2. Consider how many guests you can reasonably handle.
3. Explore the ‘rules’ of each and, if possible, provide cookies, cupcakes, or a pizza to the class if you cannot include them all in a party, but still want to honor the birthday child. This is great because  not only are they included, but for children that your child doesn’t know well the pressure to provide a gift is removed.
4. If you really want to include all of the children from each and every group, investigate different venues such as city parks then recruit every adult you can to help so that you have as much help as you need to keep everyone safe! Old fashioned games and activities will keep large groups amused!
5. An idea for 5 – 7th graders is described in my EZine Article “Preteen Birthdays – The Joy of Giving“.

Two stories that I need to share here will explain why inclusion is very important and why it is important for your child to attend every party they are invited to, if possible.

When my daughter was in 6th grade, we hosted a birthday party for her. She included all of her friends, which turned out to be the entire gropu of 6th graders from her school! Just after the invitations arrived to the invitees, I received a phone call from a mother of a boy in her grade. Her son was not popular, not a part of any crowd, not invlolved in any activities. She was calling to see if he was really invited or if it was just a cruel joke. Imagine having your child in a situation that warranted such a phone call. That will break you heart.

Another year, our daughter had transferred from one soccer team to another. Soccer being what it is, she already knew most of the girls on her new team and was happy to get to know the others. However, the same week practice started, she received an invitation to a birthday party out of town, 30 miles away. It took us a couple of hours to realize that this girl was on the new soccer team. I called and declined the party since Jordan had a conflict. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later visiting with other moms that I learned, as the late, great Paul Harvey used to say, ‘the rest of the story’.  The birthday girl was new to the team as well. She was home schooled and her parents thought that having her play soccer would help her find some other friends. She and her mom excitedly decorated for the party. They attached balloons to the mailbox. They made a big banner that they hung over the garage. Only the girls from the soccer team were invited. Only one came the 30 miles to the party. She was heartbroken. Being team mom that year, allowed me to do something that was a band aide on the wound, but by no means erased the hurt. I visited with all of the moms and we threw an after game party at a pizza place one day, complete with presents and balloons. No one had meant to hurt her feelings, it just happened. However, it reminded me how important each party is to the honoree and if they invite my child, then my child should do his or her best to attend!

So, bring it on! The school friends, the soccer buddies, the dance class: stay organized and stay aware. A child’s heart may depend on it!

Recently my good friend, Babette, in cahoots with my daughter, Jordan, threw a birthday cocktail party for me with some of my close lady friends… I believe we are past the ‘girl friend’ marker!

Around her lovely pool area in her recently redesigned home (which I had a wee part of), we feasted on tamale bites, homemade guacamole and homemade salsa. Babette also serve two ’signature’ drinks: a white sangria with strawberries and what we call ‘Lake Burton Lemonade’ which is actually my step-dad’s recipe and consists of frozen lemonade concentrate, bourbon and lots and lots of ice! Lake Burton Lemonade was the hit of the party and reminded me of summers past when Grampie would pop a big kettle of corn and whip up some LB Lemonade… those are the nights that dinner was served well past 9 p.m. because we just couldn’t manage to get up and fix it! Of course, we could only do that when the kids were at camp until they turned 21!!  

Jordan was the youngest at my birthday bash by several decades, but she seemed to enjoy us as we sat around telling funny (and sometimes outrageous) stories and laughing ourselves silly! I enjoyed catching glimpses of her during the evening, the laugh on her lips and the twinkle in her eye!

So to those of you who think getting together for a birthday is child’s play, know that you are right! Then go forth and play like children!

Thanks, Babs, for a great night!!!

Several years ago, a good friend of mine opened a ‘paint your own’ pottery studio. A great place for a birthday party! Everyone gets to choose something to paint, that becomes their favor, then there’s cake, ice cream, presents… the usual list of activities. However, hosting a birthday party for the ladies puts a whole new twist on things!

Most pottery studios, if they are large enough, have ‘party rooms’ designed to let the group be sequestered away from the rest of the customers. The events I’ve hosted there for my friends, we asked everyone to paint something for the birthday girl in colors that she liked… usually salad plates. One group did all blue and yellow in their choice of designs, another took portions of the design from a favorite tapestry pillow and created similar floral patterns. One friend’s birthday was shortly before Easter, so we made a basketful of Easter Eggs for her!

Check the house rules of the studio near you. You may be able to bring your own luncheon or dinner picnic, wine, dessert, whatever…  Make it as festive as a kids party, but with grown up party touches!

 It’s good for grown ups to have as much fun as the kids, to be creative, to act silly! It keeps us young. However, you will probably want to leave the Pin the Tail on the Donkey game at home for the kids!

Today, the birthdays of my past would be expected, nothing unusual. However, decades ago, when I was a 6 year old, my mom went all out on my party. For weeks I wasn’t allowed in my parents’ bedroom. There were some whispered phone calls and late night projects. Since my birthday is in the smack dab middle of summer, she couldn’t count on me being away at school or another activity to conduct her clandestine activities without my prying eyes. We had moved to this new town a year before and the only kids I knew were from my kindergarten class. My mom had the idea that the best way to meet all of the neighborhood children was to invite them to the party.

What she created was pure magic! A full blown carnival/circus in our rather large backyard. No animals of course other than the family wire-haired terrier, Curly. However, there were tons of games, carnie food and great decorations. The real magic was that she did it all herself. There was no where to purchase such things in our small city so she created it all.

Momma had become a stay at home mom when I was born in her 36th year. She had friends whose kids were ready to head off to college at that age! At the time she was far older than my friends’ parents, but now, of course, it is more normal! So momma had the gift of life experience by the time that I came along. Just as her mom had when my momma, the youngest of 5 children, was born when my grandmother was 40 and her oldest brother was 20.

Her college major was commercial art and she could (and did) make anything out of found objects. She had spent years hosting fabulous parties (luau’s, 4th of July parties, beach picnics and more) before I came along, so it was a natural for her to jump in and do the same for me. I discovered in my adult years that many of my friends were quite jealous of those parties but were very excited to receive an invitation. Poor dears, they had ‘pin the tail on the donkey’, cake and ice cream. I had a carnival in my backyard with a ‘go fish’ game, ’see the monkey in the mirror’ activity, ‘bowling’, ‘ring toss’, and yellow ducks to puck from a wading pool, all with prizes for everyone. There were stilts to walk on. Faces painted with clown makeup. Streamers were draped from trees to resemble a circus tent. There was a concession window (into our breakfast room) with hot dogs, cotton candy, ice cream cups and more and play money to ‘buy’ our treats! In 1962, this was not your average party.

My mom enjoyed creating parties more than anyone I knew. She always went all out and used her artistic training and talent to express her themes. Thank goodness for most folks, now there are more choices and Internet stores (such as www.LovedTheParty.com! hint hint) that have selections to help people create wonderful parties today.

There were lots of parties in my life that she created and I must admit that I probably took them for granted growing up. I wasn’t amazed at how much she did as I was at how little the other mothers did. As a mom of now grown children, I realize that her effort and talent was quite special and the other moms weren’t being slackers… that she just had a talent she had to share through parties. Luckily she was more than willing to pitch whenever her friends called in need of help!

Thanks, Momma, for all you did and for all you taught me. I don’t think that I said it enough! I miss you.