As school starts and all of the associated activities that vie for our attention and time, it is a good idea to input your children’s friends, classmates, teammates and members of other activities names, addresses and phone numbers into a data base… or just a plain old computer list, which is what I always have done. Data base just sounds so professional! Not only does it make life simpler to have all of their names and information on one list, but when it comes time to host birthday parties, holiday parties, or whatever, it will help keep you from ‘forgetting’ a child’s name and risk hurting a child’s heart.
Most class rooms have rules about inviting everyone in the class to a party to keep things even and harmonious. Unfortunately, other groups and activities rarely have that rule. But how on Earth do you get control of a party list when there are so many group activities: soccer, Sunday School, baseball, dance class, Boy and Girl Scouts? Most of us don’t care to host a party with a ‘cast of thousands’, nor do we want to make a child feel left out.
Here are a few ideas that can help:
- Make your ‘roster list’ of all of the children your child comes in contact with through school and activities.
- Consider how many guests you can reasonably handle.
- Explore the ‘rules’ of each and, if possible, provide cookies, cupcakes, or a pizza to the class if you cannot include them all in a party, but still want to honor the birthday child. This is great because not only are they included, but for children that your child doesn’t know well the pressure to provide a gift is removed.
- If you really want to include all of the children from each and every group, investigate different venues such as city parks then recruit every adult you can to help so that you have as much help as you need to keep everyone safe! Old fashioned games and activities will keep large groups amused!
- An idea for 5 – 7th graders is described in my EZine Article “Preteen Birthdays – The Joy of Giving“.
Two stories that I need to share here will explain why inclusion is very important and why it is important for your child to attend every party they are invited to, if possible.
When my daughter was in 6th grade, we hosted a birthday party for her. She included all of her friends, which turned out to be the entire gropu of 6th graders from her school! Just after the invitations arrived to the invitees, I received a phone call from a mother of a boy in her grade. Her son was not popular, not a part of any crowd, not invlolved in any activities. She was calling to see if he was really invited or if it was just a cruel joke. Imagine having your child in a situation that warranted such a phone call. That will break you heart.
Another year, our daughter had transferred from one soccer team to another. Soccer being what it is, she already knew most of the girls on her new team and was happy to get to know the others. However, the same week practice started, she received an invitation to a birthday party out of town, 30 miles away. It took us a couple of hours to realize that this girl was on the new soccer team. I called and declined the party since Jordan had a conflict. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later visiting with other moms that I learned, as the late, great Paul Harvey used to say, ‘the rest of the story’. The birthday girl was new to the team as well. She was home schooled and her parents thought that having her play soccer would help her find some other friends. She and her mom excitedly decorated for the party. They attached balloons to the mailbox. They made a big banner that they hung over the garage. Only the girls from the soccer team were invited. Only one came the 30 miles to the party. She was heartbroken. Being team mom that year, allowed me to do something that was a band aide on the wound, but by no means erased the hurt. I visited with all of the moms and we threw an after game party at a pizza place one day, complete with presents and balloons. No one had meant to hurt her feelings, it just happened. However, it reminded me how important each party is to the honoree and if they invite my child, then my child should do his or her best to attend!
So, bring it on! The school friends, the soccer buddies, the dance class: stay organized and stay aware. A child’s heart may depend on it!
